It Seems Like Years Since It's Been Clear

This entry will probably be disconnected word-vomit. I have things to say but they're all competing.

Also, I'm going to talk about bad car crashes in this entry, so if that triggers you, I won't be offended if you scroll.

My father totalled his car yesterday. He's fine (he says he's sore, he didn't go to the hospital but he says he feels alright, so whatev) but his poor little car is smushed.

My online friends probably don't know this, but, adorably, my parents both have the same car. They're not really matchy cute people, but somehow they ended up with the same car. His had a spoiler and slightly larger wheels but they're the same color. In November, a few days before my birthday, my mother was hit while driving her car (she was also fine, and it was the other lady's fault unquestionably). Her car made it out alive (she claims it's not the same, but it feels the same to me).

I'm sad to see Daddy's car go. So is he. They're good cars. They got my parents out of their car crashes alive and mostly unharmed (Mama sees a chiropracter, one of the good ones I mean, not a scammy one, but she's almost done with that now.) Daddy says his wasn't his fault, and the body shop guy said the other guy had to have been speeding. I saw the pictures. I agree with Bodyshop Guy. How the hell did he get out of that car without ANY injuries? He has a heart condition! I'm not usually superstitious but it was my uncle's birthday. My dead uncle (my mother's brother), who died in a horrific car crash in 2003. I'm just saying, you guys. I'm just saying. (I also woke up like right around when it happened, somehow. And before my mother's crash I said to her she shouldn't leave the house- I just had a feeling. She should have listened since I'm usually right and she has the same ~feelings, but she didn't. We're totes psychic you guys.)

Why am I tearing up right now? I don't know. Usually I can understand my emotions even when they aren't logical, but I don't know exactly why I've been all teary since yesterday. It's just one of those things, I guess. Involuntary reaction to my father's car being totalled (I'm one of Those People who gets irrationally attached to objects, especially large machinery like computers and cars, so the car dying is hitting me hard, and in a related story I direct you to this entry where I discuss my childhood car and how much I still miss it) and my father being alive and not dead, and it being my uncle's birthday, and the fact that I've been feeling weird for the past few weeks is probably all spilling together.

Speaking of my dead uncle, I always think about my dead family members and how much I wish I had gotten to talk to them as an adult. Not that I have anything specific to say, just that I wish I knew them the way my parents knew them. I wish I knew my paternal grandmother (who died when I was 9) as more than a sickly old lady. I wish I remembered my paternal grandfather the way he was when I was little, not the way he was when I was 15 and he had dementia. I wish I could talk to my uncle, because we have stuff in common now (like baseball). I don't know where I'm going with this.

My father has another car (why do two adults need three cars? I mean, I can't drive, so idek) but he'd rather not drive it, it's a Cadillac and the maintenence/gas is expensive. He might trade it in for a new more sensible car, or just buy another car (again, why two cars? idek. We have two houses, the second one inherited from the dead grandparents, so there's room, but still.)

My other uncle just left. He wasn't even staying in my house, but he's just one of those exhausting people (he and his brother were like complete opposites, it's funny.) Now that he's gone and I've written this big cathartic entry maybe I can get back to writing and feeling normal. Timsey soon! Maybe! I hope!

Also new Kylie CD soon. I'm dying, you guys. DYING. And new Futurama started today! AND IT WAS SO GOOD. Like they'd never been cancelled. I was expecting it to be different but it feels exactly the same. It's just everything I hoped for. I'm relieved and excited and so happy. If the Rays would start winning again (and they won today!) this summer will be a good one. Fingers crossed, loves.

-11:55 PM