Gahhhhh

[ivyette]

I might get my results tomorrow. I'll have to answer the phone myself, aaaaaaaaaahhhh I don't waaaaaaant toooooooooooooooooooo but I am so anxious for these results, you don't even know, because they could literally change my entire life, and also treatment is horrendously expensive and I have no money and I am so scared. But I'm also really excited, because finally finally FINALLY all of my health problems will have a REASON, a TREATABLE reason, and I can't wait to be skinny and awake and not cold and not have dry skin and be able to think straight and concentrate on stuff and maybe not have headaches and horrible death periods anymore, it's going to be so awesome, if I really do have a thyroid problem, and I am so excited and so scared because I don't know if I want my life to change, but I just can't take it anymore, the waiting, I mean. I want to start treatment and be normal for once in my life, like everybody else, because people always say "OH U R SO COOL AND UNIQUE" and really I appreciate the compliment, and I like being different, but you don't know what it's like to be such a freak, and now I can possibly take anti-freak pills and be NORMAL. AND IT IS GOING TO BE AWESOME. Maybe. If I get the results I want, and really, I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want it to be positive or negative. I don't know if I want to take anti-freak pills. I don't know if I want my crazy to have an explanation.

But I can't stand not knowing, and the test cost like 150 bucks or something, so I kind of have to get the results now. I guess.

I'm so nervous, about the test and about answering the phone, although I suppose they wouldn't give the results to anyone else (I can't remember if I told this doctor it's okay to tell my parents stuff).

I'm just so scared, for like a million reasons. I'll never get to sleep tonight (read: this morning).

I'll come back and tell you as soon as I know.

-2:55 AM

Comments

[oreohmygosh.livejournal.com]

I think my mom takes those Anti-Freak pills.
But, technically, she wasn't supposed to.
They diagnosed her with Hypothyroidism.
Then they operated on her. They cut out her thyroid or part of her thyroid. And, after they cut it out they said, "Oops! Turns out you didn't have hypothyroidism!"
Now because they fucked her over, she has to take pills every day to PREVENT hypothyroidism. So, I guess, technically, since they did the surgery on her when they weren't supposed to, they caused her to have/develop hypothyroidism.

Isn't that crappy?