Petey

I just can't believe something I love so much died in my hands. I can't believe he'll never chirp again, or talk again, or kiss me when I walk in the room again. Every single thing reminds me of him. I burst into tears watching American Idol. And then Kylie Minogue was on Dancing with the Stars, and he loved Kylie. I can't believe I still have tears left. I can't read my books because they all have bite marks on them. I can't listen to music because he and I used to listen to music together. Agnes Carlsson was his favorite. She has a few appropriate songs, "Let Me Carry You" and "What Do I Do With All This Love?". I did carry him. When he got too weak to fly, and then too weak to stand up on his own, I carried him around. (His favorite Agnes song was "Love Is All Around".) It's even harder for my mother because I sleep during the day, and now there's absolutely no one for her to talk to. I feel so unbearably lonely. I don't know what to do with myself. This bird wasn't just a bird... he was a lot like a dog. He was excited when we came home, he talked to us and gave us kisses, he cuddled, he was adorable, he was loving and lovable... I just can't stand it. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I miss him so much. We're having him cremated. I started collecting his feathers.
I want him back. I want the pain to go away.

-4:35 AM

Quiet

The house is just so empty and quiet.
And I haven't been to sleep yet. I'm afraid to go to sleep, because if I do I might dream about him. I've done this before, where a family member dies and I have dreams about him and I wake up crying.
And I still can't listen to any of my music... so the house is even quieter.
I don't like the quiet.

-11:23 AM