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I'm an engaged woman now okay
Proposal story, behind a cut because I'm a super polite ADULT now~~
Oh, and some new pictures of the ring I haven't shared yet. IT'S REALLY SHINY YOU SHOULD CLICK JUST FOR THOSE.
There's video, which I'll post tomorrow sometime if it's not too terribly embarrassing.
Basically, Boyfriend (now Fiance, I guess?) secretly arranged for my birthday party to be an engagement party. I should have guessed, since a bunch of my family REALLY wanted to come for some reason, but I've been so desperate for my ring/engagement lately that I've been seeing possible proposals everywhere, so I didn't want to get my hopes up (I'm pathetic, I know, but I wanna show the world I love this guy enough to marry him!) In fact, my birthday cake actually said congratulations AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. Like, my mother brought it in and set it on my grandmother's dining room table, and I looked at it and I said to myself, "Oh, it's pink! How pretty!" AND DIDN'T READ IT. what. (btw it was chocolate cake with cannoli cream filling and buttercream frosting and it was AMAZING and super fresh and light and I ate it every day the past few days and now it's gone and I miss my cake :()
This from someone who's looked for clues and not worn a ring on my ring finger and flinched every time Boyfriend went in his pocket for the past few months. I mean, I've been peeking in cabinets because WHAT IF HE MEANT FOR ME TO FIND IT WHEN I WENT TO THE BATHROOM??? I don't even know.
Now, normally I don't dig public surprise proposals, because what if she wants to say no?? But obviously, I didn't want to say no. And I also normally don't dig being put on the spot in front of other people, but this was my family, and my family is awesome, so.
It's kind of a blur from this point on, all I remember is that I heard the aural equivalent of rainbows and glitter and pink hearts, but from what I can piece together from my ecstasy-fried brain, everyone stood around the table, Boyfriend took my hand and told everyone how grateful he was that they all showed up and he knows my family means a lot to me and there was getting on one knee and sneaking it in my hand (THIS DICK HAS BEEN FAKING ME OUT FOR WEEKS PRETENDING TO PUT RINGS IN MY HAND) and he told me he loved me and asked me to marry him, and then my father says I tackled him like a linebacker. My mother says I squeaked. There is a picture of me all up in the air on him, but you won't be seeing it since the focal point is my cellulite. (I was wearing a skirt). I do remember I specifically made a point to actually say yes, which I did while my face was buried in his shoulder. I had to stay hugging him for a long time because I was too excited to face my family just yet. Then they all said something along the lines of SO WHAT'S THE ANSWER LOLOLOL~~~~ and we all laughed and then they handed me a knife bigger than my arm and asked me to cut the cake while I was still so bubbly I couldn't remember my name. Boyfriend's parents were there, too, which should have been a really big red flag because they've never come to one of my family's gatherings before but for some reason really wanted to come to my birthday party.
All the times I pictured this happening I never pictured it like this, but I'm glad it happened this way. My family really does mean the world to me, and knowing everyone was so happy and excited (and my cousin and our uncle's wife cried, even!) just clinched it. I've been worried how everyone (especially my parents) would react, but everyone's just been so legitimately, sincerely happy about it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like people trust me to make an adult decision. I feel like he trusts me to be a real partner. I feel like my parents trust both of us. I just feel so happy.
I wanted the ring and the proposal to be a surprise, because I'm difficult like that, and Boyfriend has been telling me how much he agonized over it even though my only criteria was "the ring has to be real gold and have a diamond in it" and "the proposal has to be sweeter than your brother's was". (His brother presented his wife with her ring while laying in bed and he pulled it out of his pocket and was like LOL HOW'S THIS and I did not want my proposal to be that stupid.) He was even telling me how difficult it was AFTER HE ALREADY HAD IT omg what a liar why am I marrying this liar I WAS TRICKED.
actually I told him he could lie all he wanted to preserve the secret so I guess I asked for this trickery.
THAT IS A THUMBNAIL CLICK IT IT'S A MUCH BIGGER PICTURE I PROMISE.
LOOK AT THOSE DETAILS.
LOOK AT THEM.
Pictures don't even do it justice. It's a Neil Lane design (NEIL LANE DESIGNED MILEY CYRUS'S ENGAGEMENT RING HE IS A BIG DEAL OK) with a Leo diamond, and I used to think the whole Leo thing was just a marketing gimmick BUT I HAVE NEVER SEEN A DIAMOND SPARKLE LIKE THIS. It's just... amazing. It will pick up the tiniest amount of light in the room and shine it out like I'm wearing a lighthouse on my finger. And in the sunlight, it BLINDS. In the prettiest way possible, that is. Even the little ones around the sides sparkle like... well, diamonds. It's a half carat princess cut in a kite setting, and Boyfriend picked that out for himself, so while the setting exists for other people to buy, no one's will look exactly like mine. And according to the website, the diamond was ethically sourced, which was really, really important to me. LOOK AT THOSE CLEAN LINES ON THAT PRINCESS CUT THOUGH JESUS LOOK HOW SHARP AND CLEAN THEY ARE CHRIST I LOVE THIS.
The size is perfect for my weird tiny little baby hands and it raises up but isn't all tacky and it perfectly straddles the line between unique and ugly. Because I like unique, but I don't like weird for the sake of being weird. But this is unique but at the same time really pretty and vintage-y and classy and classic and ALL GOOD THINGS. JUST LIKE BOYFRIEND. Boyfiance is all good things in one package and so is the ring he picked and it is perfect and he is perfect and they are perfect for me and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.
and yes there are fuzzies stuck to it in one of those pictures, because I am a derp and didn't check before I took the picture.
I keep being surprised by it every time I don't think about it for awhile, and every time I glance down and see it my heart aches in the best way possible. It's beautiful and the design is very him but it's also very me AND I LOVE HIM AND I LOVE US WE ARE PERFECT PEOPLE. Over the years we've grown so close we're almost like the same person in a lot of ways, and he's just so smart and funny and kind and our politics align and he's a feminist and he's gorgeous and sexy and perfect and he smells good and he wants a baby girl almost as much as I do and he hates all the right stuff and we play games together and watch the same shows and he likes my friends and indulges my habits and thinks my My Little Pony and Monster High and Hello Kitty and Lalaloopsy obsessions and my simple materialistic needs are cute and not stupid and I love his stupid sense of humor because he is the biggest troll and I always fall for it and then I laugh and and we laugh together and I tell him that I am going to marry his idiot self because it is true.
My introvert friends will understand this, because as much as I love people and attention, I'm an introvert, too. I am absolutely DRAINED by people and company and all of that and crave alone time... a lot. It's part my personality and part my anxiety disorder. But when I'm with him, I don't feel drained. I feel energized and refreshed and constantly "up". I don't consider being with him to be being around people. He's just another part of myself. Being with him is as calming and comforting as being alone. Being with him feels like being home. It feels like being with my family. It feels like walking into a Claire's with a gift card. It feels like rolling in glitter and confetti. It feels like warm blankets and cocoa and it feels like the sun on my face at the beach. It feels like lasagna and birthday cake. It still feels like we're teenagers who have terrible crushes but at the same time there's such a history (since June 7th 2004!) and such a deepness to how we interact and how we agree on fundamentally important things about morals and justice and how to raise babies. We feel like two partners against the world. He's my other half and as much as I'm a whole person by myself, I'm much more complete with him. He's stood by me and inspired me and pushed me when I needed to be pushed and coddled me when I needed to be coddled and I have him to thank for so much. Above everyone else in my life, even my parents (WHO ARE GREAT AND LOVE ME AND SUPPORT ME DO NOT GET ME WRONG HERE THEY ARE FABULOUS AND I LOVE THEM), he's been the rock of my life. We chose each other and although the choice seemed weird to other people at first, we've grown up together in many ways and stubbornly refused to give up on each other even when other people might have. I'm lazy in all ways except love, apparently, because I fought for us. We've done our very best to convince each other that no other person on this planet or any other would fight as hard as we have.
All the times he almost gave up on himself when school was hard and he couldn't find a job, I patiently held his hand and told him everything would be okay, and I did my best to make it feel that way. When I was scared of potential mental illness and didn't want to try to get diagnosed or treated and retreated within myself to try to avoid it all, he got me in the doctor's office and sat with me in every appointment and told me how much he wanted me to get treatment so we could be real adults and have a family and life together. Knowing how serious he was about helping me gave me the courage to help myself. Knowing he depended on me made me stronger before any pills or doctors entered the picture. I'm stronger because he loves me and believes in me.
We've proven to each other time and again that little things don't matter, small annoyances and differences of opinion don't matter, and that when things got hard (even fairytale couples like us have bumps in the road) we still stuck together and made an effort to come back stronger and not full of resentment and bitterness. We have only love and laughter and determination.
And trolling. Lots of trolling.
In the immortal words of Finn the Human: Let's always be stupid. Together!
lol that got long I'M FULL OF FEELINGS OK
Oh, and some new pictures of the ring I haven't shared yet. IT'S REALLY SHINY YOU SHOULD CLICK JUST FOR THOSE.
There's video, which I'll post tomorrow sometime if it's not too terribly embarrassing.
Basically, Boyfriend (now Fiance, I guess?) secretly arranged for my birthday party to be an engagement party. I should have guessed, since a bunch of my family REALLY wanted to come for some reason, but I've been so desperate for my ring/engagement lately that I've been seeing possible proposals everywhere, so I didn't want to get my hopes up (I'm pathetic, I know, but I wanna show the world I love this guy enough to marry him!) In fact, my birthday cake actually said congratulations AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. Like, my mother brought it in and set it on my grandmother's dining room table, and I looked at it and I said to myself, "Oh, it's pink! How pretty!" AND DIDN'T READ IT. what. (btw it was chocolate cake with cannoli cream filling and buttercream frosting and it was AMAZING and super fresh and light and I ate it every day the past few days and now it's gone and I miss my cake :()
This from someone who's looked for clues and not worn a ring on my ring finger and flinched every time Boyfriend went in his pocket for the past few months. I mean, I've been peeking in cabinets because WHAT IF HE MEANT FOR ME TO FIND IT WHEN I WENT TO THE BATHROOM??? I don't even know.
Now, normally I don't dig public surprise proposals, because what if she wants to say no?? But obviously, I didn't want to say no. And I also normally don't dig being put on the spot in front of other people, but this was my family, and my family is awesome, so.
It's kind of a blur from this point on, all I remember is that I heard the aural equivalent of rainbows and glitter and pink hearts, but from what I can piece together from my ecstasy-fried brain, everyone stood around the table, Boyfriend took my hand and told everyone how grateful he was that they all showed up and he knows my family means a lot to me and there was getting on one knee and sneaking it in my hand (THIS DICK HAS BEEN FAKING ME OUT FOR WEEKS PRETENDING TO PUT RINGS IN MY HAND) and he told me he loved me and asked me to marry him, and then my father says I tackled him like a linebacker. My mother says I squeaked. There is a picture of me all up in the air on him, but you won't be seeing it since the focal point is my cellulite. (I was wearing a skirt). I do remember I specifically made a point to actually say yes, which I did while my face was buried in his shoulder. I had to stay hugging him for a long time because I was too excited to face my family just yet. Then they all said something along the lines of SO WHAT'S THE ANSWER LOLOLOL~~~~ and we all laughed and then they handed me a knife bigger than my arm and asked me to cut the cake while I was still so bubbly I couldn't remember my name. Boyfriend's parents were there, too, which should have been a really big red flag because they've never come to one of my family's gatherings before but for some reason really wanted to come to my birthday party.
All the times I pictured this happening I never pictured it like this, but I'm glad it happened this way. My family really does mean the world to me, and knowing everyone was so happy and excited (and my cousin and our uncle's wife cried, even!) just clinched it. I've been worried how everyone (especially my parents) would react, but everyone's just been so legitimately, sincerely happy about it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like people trust me to make an adult decision. I feel like he trusts me to be a real partner. I feel like my parents trust both of us. I just feel so happy.
I wanted the ring and the proposal to be a surprise, because I'm difficult like that, and Boyfriend has been telling me how much he agonized over it even though my only criteria was "the ring has to be real gold and have a diamond in it" and "the proposal has to be sweeter than your brother's was". (His brother presented his wife with her ring while laying in bed and he pulled it out of his pocket and was like LOL HOW'S THIS and I did not want my proposal to be that stupid.) He was even telling me how difficult it was AFTER HE ALREADY HAD IT omg what a liar why am I marrying this liar I WAS TRICKED.
actually I told him he could lie all he wanted to preserve the secret so I guess I asked for this trickery.
THAT IS A THUMBNAIL CLICK IT IT'S A MUCH BIGGER PICTURE I PROMISE.
LOOK AT THOSE DETAILS.
LOOK AT THEM.
Pictures don't even do it justice. It's a Neil Lane design (NEIL LANE DESIGNED MILEY CYRUS'S ENGAGEMENT RING HE IS A BIG DEAL OK) with a Leo diamond, and I used to think the whole Leo thing was just a marketing gimmick BUT I HAVE NEVER SEEN A DIAMOND SPARKLE LIKE THIS. It's just... amazing. It will pick up the tiniest amount of light in the room and shine it out like I'm wearing a lighthouse on my finger. And in the sunlight, it BLINDS. In the prettiest way possible, that is. Even the little ones around the sides sparkle like... well, diamonds. It's a half carat princess cut in a kite setting, and Boyfriend picked that out for himself, so while the setting exists for other people to buy, no one's will look exactly like mine. And according to the website, the diamond was ethically sourced, which was really, really important to me. LOOK AT THOSE CLEAN LINES ON THAT PRINCESS CUT THOUGH JESUS LOOK HOW SHARP AND CLEAN THEY ARE CHRIST I LOVE THIS.
The size is perfect for my weird tiny little baby hands and it raises up but isn't all tacky and it perfectly straddles the line between unique and ugly. Because I like unique, but I don't like weird for the sake of being weird. But this is unique but at the same time really pretty and vintage-y and classy and classic and ALL GOOD THINGS. JUST LIKE BOYFRIEND. Boyfiance is all good things in one package and so is the ring he picked and it is perfect and he is perfect and they are perfect for me and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.
and yes there are fuzzies stuck to it in one of those pictures, because I am a derp and didn't check before I took the picture.
I keep being surprised by it every time I don't think about it for awhile, and every time I glance down and see it my heart aches in the best way possible. It's beautiful and the design is very him but it's also very me AND I LOVE HIM AND I LOVE US WE ARE PERFECT PEOPLE. Over the years we've grown so close we're almost like the same person in a lot of ways, and he's just so smart and funny and kind and our politics align and he's a feminist and he's gorgeous and sexy and perfect and he smells good and he wants a baby girl almost as much as I do and he hates all the right stuff and we play games together and watch the same shows and he likes my friends and indulges my habits and thinks my My Little Pony and Monster High and Hello Kitty and Lalaloopsy obsessions and my simple materialistic needs are cute and not stupid and I love his stupid sense of humor because he is the biggest troll and I always fall for it and then I laugh and and we laugh together and I tell him that I am going to marry his idiot self because it is true.
My introvert friends will understand this, because as much as I love people and attention, I'm an introvert, too. I am absolutely DRAINED by people and company and all of that and crave alone time... a lot. It's part my personality and part my anxiety disorder. But when I'm with him, I don't feel drained. I feel energized and refreshed and constantly "up". I don't consider being with him to be being around people. He's just another part of myself. Being with him is as calming and comforting as being alone. Being with him feels like being home. It feels like being with my family. It feels like walking into a Claire's with a gift card. It feels like rolling in glitter and confetti. It feels like warm blankets and cocoa and it feels like the sun on my face at the beach. It feels like lasagna and birthday cake. It still feels like we're teenagers who have terrible crushes but at the same time there's such a history (since June 7th 2004!) and such a deepness to how we interact and how we agree on fundamentally important things about morals and justice and how to raise babies. We feel like two partners against the world. He's my other half and as much as I'm a whole person by myself, I'm much more complete with him. He's stood by me and inspired me and pushed me when I needed to be pushed and coddled me when I needed to be coddled and I have him to thank for so much. Above everyone else in my life, even my parents (WHO ARE GREAT AND LOVE ME AND SUPPORT ME DO NOT GET ME WRONG HERE THEY ARE FABULOUS AND I LOVE THEM), he's been the rock of my life. We chose each other and although the choice seemed weird to other people at first, we've grown up together in many ways and stubbornly refused to give up on each other even when other people might have. I'm lazy in all ways except love, apparently, because I fought for us. We've done our very best to convince each other that no other person on this planet or any other would fight as hard as we have.
All the times he almost gave up on himself when school was hard and he couldn't find a job, I patiently held his hand and told him everything would be okay, and I did my best to make it feel that way. When I was scared of potential mental illness and didn't want to try to get diagnosed or treated and retreated within myself to try to avoid it all, he got me in the doctor's office and sat with me in every appointment and told me how much he wanted me to get treatment so we could be real adults and have a family and life together. Knowing how serious he was about helping me gave me the courage to help myself. Knowing he depended on me made me stronger before any pills or doctors entered the picture. I'm stronger because he loves me and believes in me.
We've proven to each other time and again that little things don't matter, small annoyances and differences of opinion don't matter, and that when things got hard (even fairytale couples like us have bumps in the road) we still stuck together and made an effort to come back stronger and not full of resentment and bitterness. We have only love and laughter and determination.
And trolling. Lots of trolling.
In the immortal words of Finn the Human: Let's always be stupid. Together!
lol that got long I'M FULL OF FEELINGS OK