ivyette: (Default)
THIS IS THE GREATEST JUNK MAIL EVER. READ IT )

IT'S SO DETAILED.

What

Jul. 17th, 2010 12:02 pm
ivyette: (LOL PHILLIES)
WHY HAVE I NO ANGRY ICONS. I NEED AN ANGRY ICON. THIS ONE WILL HAVE TO DO.

ANYWAY I AM RAGING LOOK AT THIS

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/07/15/baskin.robbins.retires.flavors/index.html?section=cnn_latest

LOOK AT THIS NONSENSE DO YOU SEE IT. THEY ARE RETIRING 5 FLAVORS

FRENCH VANILLA IS ONE

VANILLA IS MY FAVORITEST BESIDES COOKIE DOUGH

WHY THEY DO THIS. WHY. FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE. I AM IVYSMASHING RTFN.

MY CAPSLOCK DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO SHOW YOU MY RAGE. RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

-12:01 PM

Eyes

Mar. 27th, 2010 01:23 pm
ivyette: (Beatles)
you guys


why is my left eyelid swollen?

Yesterday it just hurt, like I'd slept wrong on my eye or something (which... I've actually done before. Or maybe it's the same thing except not as bad?) because I'm stupid and I sleep with my face on my favorite doll and she has plastic limbs and like maybe one pinched me or some shit idk.

but today it's a bit puffier. It really doesn't look that different to me but my mother's all OMG OH NO~ and usually it's the other way around (usually I convince myself I must be dying or having some sort of horrible rare disease and she looks at me with That Look and goes "Yes, I get that too. EVERYONE gets that." and goes about her business. Unless it's a cold-tye thing in which case she won't even look at me until my temperature goes above like 102, and considering my normal temperature is about 97.2, that takes a lot.).

So that's a bit worrisome. Both eyes are itchy and my throat is a teeeeeny bit scratchy and I feel like coughing every so often, so the current thought here is that it must be allergies. If it gets worse I'll go to the Walgreens doctor people, they're the cheapest. She gave me some benadryl (or at least, a store version... dipenhydramine, I think it's spelled?) so I'm waiting to see what happens there. It's supposed to make you sleepy but I think it makes me hyper.

It's not red or anything, the insides look the same as the insides of my other eye, and the eyeballs themselves both look exactly the same. So... whatever. That eye's always been squintier anyway. I can deal.

-eyeveebgreenflower @ 1:22 PM

Hmm

Dec. 12th, 2009 10:50 am
ivyette: (Beatles)
I need a slushie.


Also, glasses are broken. Need new frames (most likely). Going to Wal*Mart today to see what they can do; if they don't have THESE frames, I'll probably die, because I'm so picky. Can you blame me? These things are pasted to my face, like, 19 of the 24 hours in a day. They HAVE to not be ugly.

Of course, they'll have to take them away from me, which means I'll either be wearing my very old old glasses that are bent and silver and not pretty sleek black, but they're wire frames like these and have the half-frame thing going on around the lens so the only adjustment will be my blindness. It's either that or be blind as a bat for a week or more, depending. Wal*Mart actually has great eye care, believe it or not. The doctor I saw last time was a total sweetheart and super professional, and the other people (what do you call them? technicians?) are always super helpful when I break or bend or whatever them, and it's almost always no charge to have them adjusted, except when you need new nosepads, those are $2.01. Why the penny tho?

Sooooo I'll be blind for awhile. It's not like I have many places to go, anyway.


Maybe I'll get a slushie for my troubles. (They're currently held together with tape. TAPE. because BOTH arms are broken ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I DESERVE A SLUSHIE FOR MY SHAME.)

-ivybslushflower (ivybglassflower?) @ 10:49 AM

Ughh

Nov. 23rd, 2009 03:36 am
ivyette: (Beatles)
So... I told her not to go out today. Remember that: I looked out the window, contemplated the dark skies, my sore throat, and the fact that I was still tired, and said I didn't want to go out. And then I told her I didn't think she should either. And I said it more than once, which I never do; I never tell my mother not to go out, period, and today I said it at least three times. I don't know why I felt so strongly that my mother should stay home, except that every so often I do get those "feelings" that something bad will happen and it always does. (Examples: had one before my cockatiel died. Had one before my great-aunt's car died on the way home. Had one the night before my uncle fell into a diabetic coma while driving and was killed by a semi.) This time it didn't feel like anything much, unlike the horrible sinking in my chest I usually get. I just... looked out the window, and it hit me that today was not a good day to be leaving the house. Except...

She did. And now our car is horribly smushed on the passenger's side and the front tire is gone and my beautiful car may never come back. Of course, our family is weird and so there's another car almost exactly like it sitting in the garage right now because my parents have the same car and also my father has a Cadillac for no reason at all so we don't need a rental.

My mother herself is... well, I want to say "fine" but I think we'll have to see tomorrow; the hospital said it always feels much worse the next day. As far as injuries, the doctor says whiplash but she says she feels nothing and saw nothing on the X-ray and there's something about a neck injury but she says she only feels it in her chest where she hit the steering wheel. Nothing's broken, torn, bleeding, or really bruised. So she's home and feels alright.

She says when the car stopped moving it stopped just next to a pole. She says she was hit so hard it just wouldn't stop. You never like to get a phone call from your shaky-voiced mother saying she was in an accident and your father is there and the car is being towed away and then OKAY I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER BYE

WAIT WHAT, I HAVE QUESTIONS

and then your shaky-voiced grandmother who never shows emotions besides annoyance and anger calls and she's not nearly as shaky-voiced but she's scared, she's scared for her daughter and her husband left the house without telling her anything and she didn't know where I was and what's going on.

And then she made chocolate chip cookies, which I don't know that my grandmother has ever made before in all of her born days.

The inside of the car is fine, she says, but I do wonder if I had been in the car what would have happened to me; there's no steering wheel on my side, so how far would I have gone, wearing a seatbelt as I always do? Would I have hit the dashboard and made the airbag come out?

If I was in the car, would I have seen the crazy woman coming before my mother did? Would I have convinced her to take a different way home, because she often thinks out loud to me about which way she'll go?

Before she had the accident she asked me what was on my shopping list and I said Earl Grey Tea and ramen noodles (Oriental flavor). This was at about 2:30. She called again at 3 with the shaky voice (and immediately I felt guilty for being upset about being woken up again.)

When she finally, finally, finally came home at 7, looking a little glassy-eyed from Vicodin (she says she won't take anymore because she hates it, but I have a feeling she'll reluctantly take some more tomorrow, if she gets that prescription filled) she came home with... English Breakfast tea. I don't know why, but that feels like the cherry on top of the whole thing. The car may be dead (she said it made a horrible noise when she tried to turn it on) and she'll probably be in pain and then THE TEA IS WRONG.

I latched onto that (but didn't complain to her because, come on) because that's what you do when things go wrong: you find the tiniest thing and say "WELL, OF COURSE THAT HAD TO HAPPEN." Like losing your purse that just so happens to have your great-grandmother's earrings in it, or getting sick and throwing up on your expensive shoes; it's not the worst thing that happened, but it's the thing that makes the most sense, and is the easiest to get upset about because the rest of you is thinking "wait, what? what do I do now? what's going on?" It's the most everyday mistake, more everyday than a car accident, so that's what I've been thinking about, because it's just easier than OH GOD I COULD HAVE LOST MY MOTHER or OH GOD MY MOTHER COULD BE IN THE HOSPITAL WITH SEVERE INJURIES RIGHT NOW. Nope, the wrong tea.

I'll take the wrong tea if it means I get to keep my mother. I can live without tea. If you said "you can keep your mama, but you'll never have tea again" I'd take my mother. I'd take my mother in exchange for everyone in the world's tea, because that is my MOTHER and I love her and cannot live without her. Cannot. Ever.

I drank some and it tastes pretty good. It'll probably always be car-crash tea to me now though.

She did find a pair of sneakers she likes which is big, big news because my mother's feet are so picky it's nearly impossible to find shoes for her. So the day isn't a complete loss. Oh, and Adam Lambert at the AMAs, how awesome was that? My mother was underwhelmed, but she's underwhelmed about almost everything ever (she's a lot less shaken up than I would be, although she's definitely more shaken than usual) but dude's face in his crotch and grabbing vaginas and making out with the male keyboardist. There's no point to that sentence besides HOSHIT ADAM.

I missed Kris's presenting because we were next door gathering sweaters for the homeless and then had to find the tripped circuit breaker but the thingie wouldn't open. Today was really weird, you guys.

Oh and an unreleased acoustic version of one of my favorite Kylie songs EVER, Paper Dolls, leaked. It's not very different though.
-3:36 AM

Sigh

Nov. 21st, 2009 02:02 pm
ivyette: (Beatles)
Oh, why do I care so much??

Just saw Victoria Beckham was the number 1 search on Yahoo. Normally I pay no attention to these because people tend to search for things I have no idea about so I don't care. But she was number one so I panicked and then I get the headline that she is "DITCHING" her husband.......


for the first half of 2010


because he'll be playing soccer (oh sry football) in Milan, but he also plays for LA and that's where they live and they don't want to make the kids leave their school for just a few months.


DON'T YOU EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, BRITISH NEWSPAPER WHOSE ARTICLE WAS REPOSTED BY SOME OTHER WEBSITE


THE BECKHAMS ARE MY OTP OKAY AND THEIR KIDS ARE SUPERCUTE AND THEIR FAMILY IS SO AWESOME


SO STFU RIGHT NOW


blaaaaargh


also my throat still hurts

why does my throat still hurt

-2:01 PM

Hmm

Nov. 18th, 2009 09:55 am
ivyette: (Beatles)
Just had a dream that Andrea was visiting and she had a car and then suddenly a bunch of cops drove up to my garage and drove... over each other (it was weird) trying to get in the side door so they could ask us about her car being robbed, and we were like wtf it was? And it was and it was upsetting, I think they took money? :(

I woke up really glad no one stole from her.

Then Kris Allen was on Regis and Kelly and he sang that awful, awful song I hate and I can't wait for his second single because this first one is awful but the album is good. I voted for him btw.


This entry doesn't sound like me at all

wtf

-9:55 AM

E-mail

Nov. 8th, 2009 12:53 am
ivyette: (Beatles)
There is the most amazing spam e-mail in my junk folder right now. It's from "silvernoles@yahoo.com" (whoever that is.)

The subject line is Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee. I finally opened it tonight and

the body totally rhymes!

"And all were happy as can be"

with some link I'm afraid to click. I'm sure if I do my computer will just spontaneously combust, even with my awesome anti-everything software. But still! "Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee, and all were happy as can be" is just so awesome.

Got another one that says "you're no better than a murder- or a slave driver" and the body simply says "she snapped" with a link. That one kind of freaks me out.


There's a third, as well: "If I can stop one heart from breaking" and the body says "To himself on the Crumpetty Tree"

I should so make a children's book out of these. Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee, and all were happy as can be, to himself on the crumpetty tree" is pretty Seussian, don't you think? I just wish it made sense. I'd be rich.

Or I could just e-mail that Nigerian prince back, he has moneyz for me. I can totes trust him, rite?

I mean, if you can't trust Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee, who can you trust?

-12:57 AM

ETA 3:14 AM

So I just googled "Crumpetty tree"

and apparently

IT ALREADY IS A POEM

LIKE WITH MR. QUANGLE JANGLE GUAVAWAVA WHATEVER

WHY AM I GETTING RELATED SPAM E-MAILS

THAT'S KIND OF SPOOKY TBH

HERE YOU CAN READ IT http://www.nonsenselit.org/Lear/ll/quangle.html

MY VERSION WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER, JS

Silly

Nov. 6th, 2009 03:45 am
ivyette: (Beatles)
So Boyfriend and I are going to Chili's tomorrow night (no special reason, just feel like going out together) and we were talking about what I was going to wear (because I treat him like a female friend, I guess? I mean, he doesn't complain, so). And he suggests

wait for it


my red Homecoming dress.

Because a formal gown with a neckline to my bellybutton is appropriate for a middle-class chain restaurant, naturally.

Sometimes he has excellent taste and judgment, and sometimes he's just silly.

This is why I love him.

-3:48 AM

WTF.

Oct. 15th, 2009 06:13 pm
ivyette: (Default)
WTF at the kid supposedly in the balloon. Who turned out to be IN HIS HOUSE THE WHOLE TIME. I just wasted like four hours watching this story. P.S. CNN is dumb as shit, you guys. I didn't realize :(

-6:14 PM (Maybe I'll make French onion soup for dinner, mmmmm.)

Cosmetics

Oct. 3rd, 2009 08:13 pm
ivyette: (Beatles)
So let's talk about the names they give makeup. Personally, I usually love them. They're so pretty. I'm kind of disappointed when cosmetics don't have pretty names. It doesn't affect whether or not I buy them, but it's always fun.

Sometimes the name is stupid, though. Like one time I came across an Urban Decay eyeshadow called "mildew" which... actually really looks like mildew. They couldn't have chosen a slightly better name? Like fresh cut grass, or a title-y one like "Always Grows on the North Side" or something. According to Sephora, http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P166063&categoryId=B70 it's one of their best-selling shades. Even though it's fug and I can't imagine any skintone it looks good on.

Last week my boyfriend and I came across a name I felt was worse. (I'll have to ask him what he thinks of mildew.)

See, it was like 4 AM in Wal*Mart (GOD I KNOW, DON'T EVEN, JUST SHUT UP, THERE WAS A GOOD REASON) and he was sleepy (justified) and I was looking at the Halloween nailpolishes, and I found a white one called "Oh Baby!" which is dumb, and a red one called "Hot Tamale" which is pretty normal, and a black one called "Kiss Me Here" which makes no damn sense at all, but sort of makes sense for a cosmetic product, I guess. And I picked up a purple one, which is very, very pretty, it's reddish purple sometimes but then sometimes totally like, navy blue purple. And awesome. So I flipped it over to look at the name.

"No Means No"

...the hell? Is this Lifetime? I told Boyfriend, who said "Are you serious?" and then "Please tell me your phone has a camera!" (It doesn't. It makes phonecalls. And that's pretty much it. Not that I care.)

I was dumbstruck. I cannot imagine who came up with this name, who signed off on it, who thought it was at all an attractive name for any kind of makeup or really anything. I mean, what about that says "purple" to you? Jesus. He and I were trying to figure it out and he eventually came over to see for himself and lamented that no one would believe us, or something. Then I realized, duhhhhh, it's for sale, morons. And only 2 bucks and really gorgeous. So I bought it. (Well, made him buy it. And a pretty pastel green BonBons itty bitty nailpolish. I'm currently wearing both, on alternating fingers. Because you care, right?)

Am I crazy? Am I the only one who thinks this is as weird a name as it is? I mean, if all the other colors had, like, Lifetime names it would make sense. It would be a weird gimmick, but okay. Not that I don't vehemently believe that no always means no, always at all times, always. But it's still really freaking weird.

Today I bought another purpleish nailpolish by the same company. It's called "Rio". Which doesn't really fit, but isn't as weird as "No Means No".

Which is less gross than Mildew.

P.S.: http://www.baricosmetics.com/product.aspx?id=552
(Gotta love "Nasty Girl" and "Excuse Me" and "Striptease") (Also, it looks absolutely nothing like that picture, at all. Like, seriously. WTF is with this company.) (Also-also, I'm currently obsessed with nailpolish. I keep buying BonBons. I'm insane.)

-8:32 PM

(Okay, watch like a hundred people commenting all THAT IS A PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE NAME WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.)

WHAT.

Aug. 16th, 2009 12:45 am
ivyette: (Hedwig)
SINCE WHEN HAVE BOTTLECAPS (the candy) BEEN THIS SMALL? WHOSE DECISION WAS THIS? WHAT HO NEEDS TO BE SLAPPED???

-12:45 AM

GRR

Nov. 27th, 2008 12:02 pm
ivyette: (Beatles)
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD REASON TO EAT THANKSGIVING DINNER AT 2:30 IN THE AFTERNOON. NONE.


Uh, insert cute turkey picture here, or something, I guess, and everyone else enjoy having a normal holiday.

<3

-12:03 PM
ivyette: (Hedwig)
I promised Ms. B I'd direct her to Twilight resources so she wouldn't have to go looking for it and get scarred.

Cleolinda has been the best ever when it comes to avoiding this crap like the plague and yet still being informed:
http://cleoland.pbwiki.com/Twilight - Cleo Explains It All

http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/602881.html - Why the series is popular, what's massively wrong with it, and summary of first book. This is when I started getting rabid, but then, "rabid" is often my default reaction, so I decided to hold out judgment just a liiiiiiiitle longer...

http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/603861.html - The second book recap and discussion. THESE BOOKS SUCK SO MUCH.

http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/605018.html - Third book. Series still fails on epic levels.

http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/630150.html - Part one of Cleo's epic, LENGTHY, hilarious commentary on the last book.
http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/630293.html - Part two
http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/630806.html - Part Three
Those last three links contain the funniest stuff I have ever read in all of my 20 years. I'm not exaggerating. Also, those links contain proof I didn't make up or even embellish the vampire death baby or the sparkling vampire skin or any of the other horrendous stuff I told you about. THEY REALLY ARE THAT BAD AND THEY SUCK AND IF GIRLS REALLY WANT TO BE LIKE THIS THEN WE MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP RIGHT NOW AND GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN BAREFOOT.

If you need non-Cleo proof that they suck, check out Fandom Wank's archive of Twilight crap: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/tag/fandom:+twilight

Also, ONTD has two spinoff communities, ontd_twilight and ontd_twatlight, the first being for people who like the books (or like them because they're bad), the second being more for people who vehemently hate them and post a lot of image macros. Like 4chan but for Twilight crap. Twatlight (hee!) has also met Robert Pattinson and gave him a shirt from the community, and told him to google it.

Now you see why they make me froth at the mouth like some sort of rabid thing. If you only have time to click on one link, the first or second in this entry are your best choices. (Second link does a good job explaining how horrible they are from a more feminist viewpoint.)

-1:58 AM

P.S. I STILL DON'T GET WHY THE VAMPIRES SPARKLE AND WHY THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SEXY AND NOT REALLY, REALLY GAY AND ALSO WEIRD. Like, how would you even think of that? I get having vampires that don't die in the sun, or subverting the whole cliche and making them like, get stronger in the sun. But these vampires only get hotter, and by hotter I mean they sparkle. I tried to imagine my boyfriend covered in body glitter to see if that made him hotter, but I just laughed and laughed and laughed and laaaaaaaaughed.

Writing

Aug. 3rd, 2008 02:11 am
ivyette: (Individual)
I've just started rewriting my "book". From scratch this time.

Also, I went to the doctor yesterday because my ears were hurting like bitches. I was afraid I had the lamest of all non-serious illnesses, the ear infection, since THE WATER IS STILL IN THERE WTF.

Doctor said I have a sinus infection that's making the water hurt, but some medicine will clear it all up nice and happy and I'll be able to hear again, please and thank you.
I'm impressed my ears have gone this long with water in them without getting infected or damaged in any way. My immune system is awesome, you guys. This is my first illness of any kind this year, and I didn't even realize I had a sinus infection (I thought maybe it was allergies or something, I don't know.) I'm not coughing or sniffling, and I only feel a little bit sick (and a lot more tired than usual) so everything's great.

But my book is going to be so good when I get it published in 2050, I swear.

-2:21 AM

Whut

May. 9th, 2008 04:50 am
ivyette: (Individual)
My phone just beeped to tell me it's my birthday.
It's not, of course. It's not even my half birthday. (That's on May 24th and I am so having cake for it.)

Maybe it was saying I should be working. I haven't written anything tonight yet. Erk.

-4:52 AM

Gah

Jan. 23rd, 2008 04:01 am
ivyette: (Individual)
Oh my God, I just cannot get over Heath Ledger. It MAKES NO SENSE.
I was never really a fan, but I always thought he was pretty cool. I'm so sorry for his daughter.

-4:02 AM
ivyette: (Hedwig)
Hey, guys? I have to tell you something, which you all already know, but I guess it bears repeating, because it's apparently not obvious to some (most) people:


I am NOT fifteen (15) years old!

Actually, I am years older than that. Five, to be exact. I am twenty (20) years old. Two decades, ten times two, five times four, born in 1987, whatever you like.

Why am I saying this, you ask?

Well, in Gulf View Square Mall, they have a AAA (you know, those car insurance/fix your car if you break down in the middle of the desert/whatever the hell they do people) kiosk. And when you walk by, people call out to you all "OMGZ DO YOU HAVE TRIPLE A??????" and we do, so we always answer "yes". Today a nice man asked my mother, and she said yes, of course, because we do. And then he said, "Well, how about for someone else? The young lady will be driving soon!"

My first thought was, "Wow, how did he know?"
My second thought was, "Waaaaaaaaaaaait a second."
My third thought was, "OH MY GOD HE THINKS I'M NOT EVEN SIXTEEN YEARS OLD WHAT THE HELL?"

My mother's comforting words: "Well, I guess it's because you're short."

Then we continued shopping and all of the shoes were too big and all of the pants were too long, and I was feeling kind of tiny and young and stupid, until we went to the dollar store and some kid asked me to get something down for him, and I felt a little bit better. But not much, because I totally dropped it on him. It was only a ribbon (like for a present) though, but still.

But, dude, I wasn't even wearing kids' clothes. I was wearing a black womens' shirt (one of my mother's, in fact) and womens' jeans, matching shoes, one single strand of tasteful beads (knotted, because that's how I'm wearing them these days) and a single black bangle on each arm. Oh, and adult make-up, too; gray eyeshadow and a hint of brown blush (so children don't run away scared). And a big ol' red pocketbook filled with adult things like mints and hairbrushes and stuff mothers carry around.

Not that I'm complaining, because when I'm thirty I guess it'll be cool to look, uh, twenty, or something. Or... whatever. I don't know.

Anybody else have the same problem? :)

-9:25 PM

WTF.

Sep. 26th, 2007 12:44 am
ivyette: (Individual)
Okay, so, I look perfectly normal until I take a picture of myself. The picture comes out making my face look like it's sixty pounds or something, and somehow these bizarre dark circles just appear under my eyes. WTF I AM SO WELL RESTED IT ISN'T FUNNY I DON'T HAVE EYECIRCLES AND I CERTAINLY DON'T HAVE A FAT FACE :(
I'm gonna sue Kodak :(

-12:46 AM

OMG.

May. 31st, 2007 03:17 am
ivyette: (Beatles)
OKAY THE ROACH IS BACK GUYS I thought my mother had caught it the other day but apparently THERE IS ANOTHER ONE AND I THINK IT'S LOOKING AT ME it's on the other side of the room though so it should be okay and wtf why do they like my ceiling so much aaaaaaaaaaaargh wtf.

-3:18 AM

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